Help! I need altar inspo.
My comrades at Coyote just launched a pet obituary section and this week, they're celebrating all things pet with Pet Week (including an excerpt from my upcoming book). Coyote is a fantastic worker-owned shop bringing the alt weekly vibe back to the Bay Area and they're one of my favorite reads so go check them out.
Hey s.e.,
What are people doing to honor and remember their pets in terms of home altars/ofrendas and the like these days? I have a little ofrenda set up to memorialize my beloved tabby cat who I lost a couple of years ago, with his favorite toy and cremation box and a paw print. But I also have a little tuft of hair they shaved off when his remains were processed; the tuft lives in a little plastic baggie so it's easy to see my kitty's markings, but I'm not really sure what to do with it or how to display it. A plastic bag does not fit the ofrenda vibe! I feel like a couple of shadow boxes or tiers to add interest to the display would be cute too. Would love to hear other creative ideas!
Tufty in Texas
Howdy, Tufty!
Oh boy this is one of my FAVORITE questions, because people are doing so many cool and interesting things to memorialize their pets. I love how kitty stripes and dots show up so clearly in fur and of course fur clippings always feel like a parting shot from an animal who wants to cover your nice pants in fur one last time. This is definitely something you want to display in a place where you can look at it and appreciate it in a container that maybe doesn’t look quite as much like you bought an eighth of questionable shake off Joey from behind the bleachers.
I’m continually surprised and delighted when I interview people and they tell me about their memorializations, reliquaries, and other tributes. People have shared lovely altars, shelves, mantels, and wall displays with the curated beloved photos and cremated remains one might expect, but I’ve also seen home altars with taxidermied paws, paintings, beautiful skeletal taxidermy, jewelry and ornaments made from cremated remains and hair, these extremely cool cremated remains compressed into rocks (not a sponsor I swear I just like them), blown glass with cremated remains, and so much more.
One thing I always like to remind people, and it sounds like you’re pretty set here but it bears repeating: It’s fine to hang on to something precious to you in a weird or temporary place for a while if you’re not quite sure what to do with it. Never feel like you need to get that package back from the vet and immediately open it and have the perfect place to put it. I kept Mr. Bell and Mr. Shadow’s ashes in the cardboard boxes they came back in inside a box of sewing notions for like three years before my father gave me a very cool jar to put them in. (Fun jump scare for anyone looking for a zipper or packet of buttons.) It took me another couple of years to have reliquary jewelry made. They were perfectly happy hanging out in there until the right time and sometimes the right time sneaks up on you; maybe you'll spot the perfect container at the thrift store this weekend!
Send your future self a present: Preorder my book, All My Dead Cats and Other Losses: Practicing Good Grief in a Culture That Fears Mourning. Send me proof of your preorder and you'll get some fun stickers in the mail!
And an altar can be whatever you need it to be, and a thing that rotates constantly, which can help with making it feel less static and frozen in time and turn it into more of a living part of the household landscape. I also like moving things around, changing photos, and integrating new mementos because it feels like checking in and saying hi to an old friend rather than having an altar that just kinds of blends into the background. Also sometimes I use minor altar changes to gaslight my friends.
I see fresh flowers, fake flowers, fruit, beloved toys, food bowls, pet beds, cans of favorite food, collars and tags, Churu and other treats, letters or notes, that one rock your dog took home from the beach, the horrible ugly sock your cat was obsessed with and refused to let you throw away, and other sentimental items. Some households burn incense, hell money, and other offerings.
One friend dresses up her dog’s urn with seasonally-coordinated outfits. She also has a photo book on a little stand and periodically changes the page, it feels very Ancient Book on Display in a Museum and I love it. I told her she should keep it in a glass case with a little velvet rope but so far I have been unsuccessful in this campaign.
To your point about tiers, to make things feel a little less like a bunch of stuff plopped on a shelf, you could definitely add some risers to display items at different heights, and/or explore using objects of different shapes, sizes, and heights to make things a little more ~ visually interesting ~. Textures can make a big difference too, since altars can feel a little flat if they're just photos and boxes. A wreath (fresh or dried), a fun spiky plant, or something else with depth can give your altar more character and personality.
Wire clip photo holders can be fun and make things feel more multi-dimensional, especially the ones that have a base that supports several wire clips at different heights. My friend Emily takes empty picture frames that she likes, runs string across them, and then clips photos to them (I know this sounds very 2012 Instagram but I swear it looks great). Along those lines, when my altar was in a different location, I ran a ribbon above it and clipped photos to that. I didn’t mean for it to become part of my Zoom Wall but people often remarked on it—perhaps unsurprisingly, it was a really big hit on calls with pet guardians, veterinarians, and other friends of animals.
Altars at Jindaiji Pet Cemetery in Tokyo; so much personality and love showed up in all of these altar niches, which were clearly regularly visited.
I can think of a few things to do with a fur cutting like that—agreed, a little plastic baggie is not quite the vibe. You mentioned a shadowbox, which could be really cool, and a floating frame would also work really well. Another option is, and hear me out, a test tube with a stand; I think the unique shape could stand out and if you wanted to go mad scientist you could create a little rack of them. If you're not a person who has easy access to a stockpile of test tubes (and who doesn't), one of those little test tube bud vases could do the trick. Man wait why am I not doing this?
Any sort of glass vessel could work here as well—I have some of Leila’s bones in a little glass jar, for example. A tiny bell jar could be very charming. Or a glass Christmas ornament with fur inside, which you could also suspend, presumably to the delight of your other cats. (If you are worried about this issue, you can use a clear plastic one.) Or one of those little alcohol bottles from the mini-bar. The world is your oyster and you will never see a small glass vessel the same ever again.
You might not necessarily want reliquary jewelry, but I am a big fan and am slowly trying to indoctrinate everyone else. Jewelry can also be ornamental but not necessarily worn, especially if you are fancy and keep your jewels in a tower guarded by ravens and whatnot. Hair under a translucent stone or even some glass on a ring, pendant, or brooch could let you carry him with you when you feel like you need a little moral support, and you could hang or display it on your altar, too.
I don’t want to make any religious assumptions here but I will say the Catholics very much have it on lock with reliquary objects and you could definitely peep those for some inspiration. Depending on how extra your cat was and how maximalist you want your altar to be, there are a myriad of options there. I personally love a little peek-a-boo box that has a surprise inside, and notably, Catholic reliquaries come in all shapes and sizes from pocket on up.
Queso and his friend Ruffles were abandoned by the side of the road, possibly because both of them have eyelid agenesis, a congenital condition that can cause uncomfortable, squinty eyes until they get surgery to construct a new eyelid, which is in the works for both of them. According to the staff at Austin Pets Alive!, in Austin, Texas, Queso is a sweet and gentle giant who likes to play, gets along with other cats and dogs, and will follow you around looking for snuggles. If you have a pet of the week nomination from a shelter or rescue in your area, you can email POTW at allmydeadcats.com.
Speaking of 2012 Instagram, it really IS worth checking out some Instagram accounts to see what they're up to in the altar department. I really love Dead Pet Girls, Paul Koudounaris, and Resting Waters, a pet cremation service in Seattle. Be advised that these accounts do show deceased animals, albeit with love, kindness, and respect. (Note: I haven't been on Instagram since 2024 and don't normally endorse Meta products, but it really does remain a great place for visual inspiration.) Despite the fact that I am basically inseparable from TikTok, another great place for visual inspo, the FYP doesn't serve up nearly as much much pet memorial content as it should, which is kind of wild given that it's usually uncannily accurate, but I know there are a lot of VERY dedicated pet people on there too—Pot Roast's Mom is a great starting point.
Readers, are you dying to share your altar, ofrenda, and tribute photos? Drop a line to hello at allmydeadcats.com, ping @allmydeadcats.com on Bluesky, or stick a message in a bottle and toss it into the sea, and we'll see if we can round up a vision board for Tufty.
Tell your cat I said...
Give yourself permission to experiment, and anything can be an urn if you try hard enough
Head on over to submit a question and find resources including pet loss hotlines, quality of life assessment tools, and information on financial assistance with veterinary costs.
